We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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