Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
