I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
