Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
