I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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