One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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