omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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