Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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