it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
