Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
