I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
