I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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