I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
