the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
