i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
