We named our party play list daddy issues
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
