come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I will pee on everything he values.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
