I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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