Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
