I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Randomize
