note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
