he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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