i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
You took a bar mat shot.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize
