oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
