could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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