No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
