Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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