The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
