Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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