My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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