Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
