11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
