You smell like a Billy Joel song
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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