look no pants
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
