It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
