Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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