Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
