i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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