How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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