1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
We need a shit load of segways right now
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I need to calm my uterus...
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize