there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
