So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
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