His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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