I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
