it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
