just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Randomize
