I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize
