just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
