Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize