if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Can I color on your dick again?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
