Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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