I'm so fucking centered right now
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
My penis needs a shock collar
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
