help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
