so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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