what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
