I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
