also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
