I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
