'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
