My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize