Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
