dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
