I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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