You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
