i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
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