Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
When did we convert life to cartoon?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I have tasted many bathrooms
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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