Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
