Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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