How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
