U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
