i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
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