ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
