Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
