this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize