ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
