she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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